Animals Being Dicks
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Your mom is at the club yourmomisclubbin.com

ohhhh… snap

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Drunkenmansluts.com

26 hits in the first two weeks!!!  this thing is on fire!!!!

BRB, I’m gotta go decide what color I want my Bentley in.

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I Love My Job - Action Figure Therapy (by actionfiguretherapy)

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After the Rapture: Tips For Getting Through May 21st

It seems initial estimates by the Harold Camping folks of the number of people to be “caught up” in this afternoon’s Rapture may have been a bit high.  It was suggested initially that about 3% of the world population would be affected. As the critical hour of 6pm passes through the various time zones (there are 40), reports of actual Raptures remain few.  While there is theoretically a chance that the pre-selected coincidentally all live in Samoa (the last place on Earth to see 6pm today), the chances that 200 million people have crammed themselves into Pago Pago and surrounding communities without anyone noticing are slim.  Revised estimates have not been available, as Mr. Camping has been not been reachable for comment.   Meanwhile, those of us not experiencing unusual symptoms in the next few hours can probably relax- until 21 October that is, when Camping predicts God will completely destroy the world and the universe. 

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thedailywhat:

At 18 months, baby Ellie has already figured out the secret to a long and happy life.

[videogum.]

(via jlgstandsformonkey-deactivated2)

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Dilemma:  It’s 2:49 am. I’ve been watching boxing and foreign films, and drinking PBR.  I’m really dead tired.  Harry the Dirty Dog is looking at me with that desperately inquisitive look we reserve for the insane or traitors.  The child is peacefully asleep, a cherub under her little pink knit blanket, but herein lies the dilemma: IN EXACTLY 11 MINUTES this tranquil silence will be shattered by a small, tyrannical, red-faced demon that rises every 3 hours on every day of every month and wreaks screaming havoc and demands immediate sacrifice!  Like an idiot, I sit in the dark, hoping that maybe just this once I could just log myself off for a few hours, and it won’t happen. Just this once… wait, I just remembered I should probably pack for the next two weeks I’ll be out of town… 

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"If there is a magic in story writing, and I am convinced there is, no one has ever been able to reduce it to a recipe that can be passed from one person to another. The formula seems to lie solely in the aching urge of the writer to convey something he feels important to the reader. If the writer has that urge, he may sometimes, but by no means always, find the way to do it. You must perceive the excellence that makes a good story good or the errors that makes a bad story. For a bad story is only an ineffective story."

John Steinbeck: Advice for Beginning Writers

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Thundering

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Osama bin Laden, the face of global terrorism and architect of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, was killed in a firefight with elite American forces Monday, then quickly buried at sea in a stunning finale to a furtive decade on the run.

Long believed to be hiding in caves, bin Laden was tracked down in a costly, custom-built hideout not far from a Pakistani military academy. The stunning news of his death prompted relief and euphoria outside the White House and around the globe, yet also deepening fears of terrorist reprisals against the United States and its allies.

"Justice has been done," President Barack Obama said late Sunday from the White House in an announcement that seemed sure to lift his own political standing.

The military operation took mere minutes, and there were no U.S. casualties.

U.S. Blackhawk helicopters ferried about two dozen troops from Navy SEAL Team Six, a top military counter-terrorism unit, into the compound identified by the CIA as bin Laden’s hideout - and back out again in less than 40 minutes. Bin Laden was shot in the head, officials said, after he and his bodyguards resisted the assault.

Three adult males were also killed in the raid, including one of bin Laden’s sons, whom officials did not name. One of bin Laden’s sons, Hamza, is a senior member of al-Qaida. U.S. officials also said one woman was killed when she was used as a shield by a male combatant, and two other women were injured.

The U.S. official who disclosed the burial at sea said it would have been difficult to find a country willing to accept the remains. Obama said the remains had been handled in accordance with Islamic custom, which requires speedy burial.

"I heard a thundering sound, followed by heavy firing. Then firing suddenly stopped. Then more thundering, then a big blast," said Mohammad Haroon Rasheed, a resident of Abbottabad, Pakistan.

-AP

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The average American girl possesses the valuable qualities of naturalness, honesty, and inoffensive straightforwardness; she is nearly barren of troublesome conventions and artificialities; consequently, her presence and her ways are unembarrassing, and one is acquainted with her and on the pleasantest terms with her before he knows how it came about.

Mark Twain

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You are listening to Los Angeles
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http://

AAAArggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. nothing like coming home after a long tired day at work dealing with shitty, backsliding people who think they’re in charge and make loud noises, when they are not…. and then receiving a screampuke from your offspring, whose screaming and puking last night between 0200 and 0440 is the root cause for your fatigue anyway….  Daddy’s gonna go get a little Scotchy and some earplugs. 

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Rax oha tal

Arose early … or more precisely, was ripped from morpheus’ bosom by a hungry little cookie monster demanding attention dammit.  Clock said something ridiculous to me as I sleepily stumbled past, I dismissed it for it’s sheer irrelevance and ridiculousness.  I made lengthy and complicated preparations while her little fists waved in rising red-faced fury. At last managing to warm her meal to the precisely perfect temperature, I placed her on the couch wrapped in that soft blanket I’ve spent many a drunken night under, and while she slurped and got milk all over it, I indulged my lately rediscovered interest in S.L. Clemens.  ”Rax oha tal”, he says, “When you receive this it will remind you that I long to see your face and touch your hand, for the comfort of it and the peace”. 

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